frustration

sometimes i feel so frustrated at myself.  i had a really great morning, but this afternoon i have felt so anxious, so down.  i guess just the fact that i feel bad is sometimes enough to make me frustrated. (i've been working on that.) but the thing that really kills me is, i know if i could just share my grief with someone who really cared, or if i could just cry-- really cry-- i would feel so much relief.  sometimes i would like to blame the people around me for not caring, not asking, not being emotionally available to me.  but after my mom stopped by, i talked to a good friend on the phone, and another friend called and left me a message, i realized-- it's me.  at least in a large part.  i've always thought of myself as such an open person, ironically.  i suppose in many ways i am.  but sharing this burden, opening myself up, becoming vulnerable, letting it out!  this is what escapes me.  i don't have such a hard time hurling a few words at the subject, but the tears are still trapped inside, building pressure.  sometimes i'm most lonely when i'm not even alone.