this title describes the weather today. it also describes how i often feel. my body, dying to break into sobs, but some invisible thing keeping me composed. . . and miserable. so i count my little tears as blessings when they fall. i shed two yesterday when i lost something and looked and looked and then prayed and looked some more and still couldn't find it. at that moment, i was so upset, but dry as a desert. i wondered how anxious i would have to feel, how terrible it would have to get, before God would have pity on me. i prayed some more, feeling so pitiful before Him. then i got up and walked right over to my missing object. that was when the two tears fell. i'd almost convinced myself He didn't care.
today one more slipped out. it was because my sister loves me. i woke up feeling sick to my stomach, and couldn't shake it all day. my sister had been sick this week, too, so i called her to see how she was doing. i had wanted to offer to take her kids the other day, but hadn't been brave enough. (her little boys are very active, and my house is only girl-proof.) but she didn't lack for courage when she found out i felt crummy. she showed up and loaded up my two little ones, and drove off with five kids aged four and under like it was no big deal. brave? that and so much more. i felt so loved. enough for it to rain just a little.
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